The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
