Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
