my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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