lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
