At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
