i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
