She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
