When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
