Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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