She is in my trunk
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
