I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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