onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
