I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
