Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
