So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
