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So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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