atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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