I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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