You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
