guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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