Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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