So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
