dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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