dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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