ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
