i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
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there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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