I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
