Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
