An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
