I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
