Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
