I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
