Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
