It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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