Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am naked and annoyed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
