yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
