Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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