dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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