I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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