Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
