Don't you send me to vm
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
