I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
