Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
