when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
