never play flip cup with pint glasses
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
