I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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