Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
