Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
