Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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