i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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