This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
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I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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