Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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