Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
nutella sex= disaster
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
