Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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