You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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