I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
