Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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