apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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