Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
