C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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