I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
