Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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