genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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