dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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