i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
you made out with another girl for some wings
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
