i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
