I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
