you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
