These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
