either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
